so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
