I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You are a genius and a whore.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
