We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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