I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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