note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
