Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
