That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
