Is it normal to miss your booty call?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
