hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
