I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
