Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
