I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
handjob tips. give me some.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
