Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
