so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
