Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
