he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
