Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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