They should really pass out barf bags in church
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
