yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
