You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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