I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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