Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
