i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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