she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
