whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
