remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
