she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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