I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Still dying that you shit outside
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
