apparently the secret to your success is patron
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This baby is an asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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