the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
