just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
