I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
