Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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