I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
