If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
