was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
