Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
