i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
