So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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