she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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