How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
