It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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