You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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