someone get that fucking seahorse.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
