i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
