you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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