I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
