my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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