My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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