Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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