Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
