btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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