It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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